I usually don’t send out new posts when I revise a page but this time it was pretty significant. Plus I’m home sick so it all works out.
Between here and DeviantArt, I got great feedback and exactly what I needed to bring this one home. I added more to Victuals’ room as well as the spear from the fishing days (a suggestion from DA) so it wasn’t just empty. The fancy bed frame and side table was something I sketched a while back but never got around to finishing. Another suggestion from DA was to switch the word balloon placement for panel three. I think it reads smoother now. Great suggestion! Oh yeah, and I changed “giant grab” to “giant crab”. Talk about a lame place to have a typo. Thanks for pointing that out!
And finally I brought the crab claws into the same style as the rest by adding line art instead of just a painted shape. I turned down the brightness of the red and moved them below the “SMASH” so that people would read that before they looked at the crab.
There’s something I still like visually about the old version but I think this new one tells the story better and in the end, that’s more important. So here is the new and old versions if you want to compare.
NEW page 56 and 57.
Old page 56 and 57
Okay, so maybe that’s not enough to warrant a whole new post. Here’s another new page that I just added to the start of the whole book for all the new viewers. I realized that a majority of my audience never reads my long winded blog posts and just skips right to the juicy parts. The graphic novel. I also realized that most of my pages are littered with grammatical errors and things that spell checkers can’t fix and usually a few weeks after I post a page I go back and fix mistakes that you guys have kindly pointed out. It makes me wonder if the early birds feel like they’re getting the shaft. Others come to reMIND expecting a webcomic that’s made for easy computer viewing. Other’s don’t know each spread is really two pages and it should be read as such. And finally it might be unclear that you can click a page to see it full size.
So to get all this technical stuff out of the way, I’ve constructed an intro page to help newcomers quickly see what I’m trying to do here and hopefully I’ll get a little more compassion for my uncommon webcomic practices. I’m not saying it’s been a huge issue or that anyone has been mean. It’s just something I’ve felt important as my audience grows so here’s the new intro page.
Thanks again for helping a wannabe graphic novel artist perfect his craft. Just so you know, critiques are always welcome whether I ask for them or not. In the case of those last pages, it’s been extremely helpful.
I am actually very glad you posted this. It was very interesting to compare the two! I especially appreciate the smash being moved up and made more visible as I admit I missed it the first time reading (I tend to gloss over sound effects in comics. Bad habit I know).
And I approve (Ha, as if you needed it) of the intro page. I had caught on what you're blog was doing after a few days of reading the RSS feeds but when I first arrived I thought you were just doing a graphic novel style web comic.
Very cool. I'm glad the new pages work better in your opinion as well.
I was talking to Mr. Average (he comments here a lot) the other day, about how impossible it is to pin point what makes a page feel complete. For me, in the end it all comes down to being able to leave it alone because the mood feels right and the story is intact. Once I can stop thinking it over in my head, it's a pretty good sign that it's finished.
Another thing that's been helpful is seeing how people react to each page. So far it's been close to how I had hoped. In a way, that's a luxury only webcomics get so I'm kinda getting the best of both worlds by seeing a reaction for each page before I go to print.
I'm glad you think the intro page is helpful too. Thanks for the comment.
That's a good idea. I'm in a similar situation as my comic is meant for print and is not at its best on the web, so although nobody's complained (not to ME at least), such an intro page would be good for many reasons. I might follow your lead!
I've seen this before on a few webcomics explaining general navigation buttons but never more than that. It really does ease my mind knowing that newcomers will be lead to this intro page though. Glad you like the idea and hope it works for you too.
Hi Jason, Been reading your blog posts for a while now… very insightful stuff and definitely helping me out with my own comic works in progress. I just wanted to add a counter to the new layout page in that the crab now doesn't look as huge and menacing. I actually thought you could have had a cool silouhette framing the lizard guy if you brought the body of the crab into shot? With it's mandibles in view. That's my 2 cents anyway. Cheers man, lovin' the blog.
Yeah, I see what you are saying about the size of the crab now. I thought the same thing.
That would make a interesting silhouette if I brought in the crab more. I just didn't want to crowd the space any more than I already was by adding the crab in the first place. I am so attached to the look of the panel without the crab that it makes me want to keep it as open as possible. I think if I were starting over I would have done it differently and your suggestion would probably be the best approach.
Hey Jason, I like the additions and since you are not going to print yet, this falls completely in the realm of ok. I think it helps set the room up. The smash, I would have done a little different but that is more me. I think though you are light years ahead of most of the other webcomic out there. I too agree that it was very interesting in seeing how you approached the changes, which I see work very well. Keep up the fantastic work and get better. It has been a pleasure to get to know you a little better.
trav
Thanks Trav. I might be trying another pass here in a few days. I just keep thinking about it. haha
i have a suggestion then- i'll send it to you
sent you a email- better to show it than explain it:)
Thanks for that! I'm inspired and I'll try to upload something new in the A.M.
I dunno man… I mean, I love the more details in the room and around the bed. Those are definitely a huge plus. But I'm not sure if I'm sold on the new position of the crab arms or their colour. I totally think the red is more threatening, and somehow I think having them lower like that makes them less of a threat. The whole 'impact' of them coming into the room just doesn't seem like it has enough "umph" Does that make sense? I might also include some pieces flying in the air, as it says "smash" but everything is already on the floor and not moving. "smash" usually indicates action. That's my 2 cents!
I get what your saying. Hmm, looks like I'll need to put a bit more thought into this. I was thinking of trying the crab in the original position and leaving the smash where it is now, slightly covered by the arms. Then the crab can still be taller looking. I do keep going back and forth on the brightness of the red in the crab though. The darker the red, the nicer it falls into shadow more and brings him closer to the FG. Which I like that about the original one.
And, Yes! Debris should be flying in the air. Someone suggested this long ago but I blew it off hoping people still got the point. I'm glad you brought it up again though. Plus, I love drawing junk flying in the air so I don't know why I am fighting it.
Thanks for the critique Rawls! It's very helpful. As you can tell I'm starting to get to the pages that I'll still polishing. Revisions might become a regular habit on this blog from this point on.
The tricky thing about having a lot of detail in a room is to keep that detail consistent.
You added a bunch of pictures and a canopy over the bed in the second page of the spread, but in the first page, there's no evidence of the canopy or the picture frames while Victuals is lying on the bed. You may want to re-work your rework. Sorry for pointing it out so late in the game, but since you're talking about refining and details, you really don't want to overlook that one, since it's pretty big.
You're the second one to point that left side out. I still don't mind it empty on that side though. For me, it's more about the characters so the BG is unimportant and just becomes a wash. I look at it like a need to know basis. At that point we only need to know that there is a dog that woke Victuals. It's breaking rules but I kinda like doing it.
I guess it's kinda like showing a close up of a talking head without any background. In this case I only show the characters and a mattress.
Okay, I see what the problem is with the text size. Your "click to enlarge" feature zooms the image, but scales it to fit within the available space in the current window, so it's not displaying at full resolution. I cut and pasted the image into photoshop to see it at its proper resolution, and it's much larger than what I'm seeing in the browser, and the text is very readable.
So the problem with text readability in the browser is that a) the image is not showing at its full resolution, and b) the on-the-fly downsizing by the brower blurs the image slightly, further reducing readability. Note that this downsizing happens even on my 1600×1200 workstation monitor. Ideally, you want something that just displays the full image, and allows for scrolling if it's larger than the available window.
Interesting. When you click the image does the mouse turn into a magnifying glass? That's what it does on Safari and Firefox for me. I thought it worked on all browsers that way but I better look into it more.
Thanks for the little experiment. I'll try to resolve this soon.
On IE8, once the image is enlarged there’s no further click context, only the controls at the bottom right corner to advance to the next image or close the panel. It’s the same on the version of Firefox I have, which is admittedly not the latest (2.0).
It’s not a critical problem, as the page still looks pretty good even at the reduced size (at least on IE, which does a decent job of scaling; the Firefox 2.0 scaled image looks pretty bad). But since you’ve gone to the trouble of uploading a high-resolution version, it would be great to have a seamless way to see it without relying on browser-specific features.
Oh I get what's happening. Here's the thing.
There are two ways to look at the pages. 1. when you are viewing the blog. When you click on the images it animates open and fills the frame with a darkened background.
2. when you are viewing the comic in the comicpress mode of the blog. This mode allows you to click back and forth between the pages from start to finish. There is no animated opening. This is the place where you can click the image to open it at full size in a new window.
So with all this said. I think I need to stop giving the option to view the pages in the blog mode so that it's easier to find the best viewing image. Does this all make sense?
For instance, if you click on the right side of the website where it says "Read from Start" you will be in the comicpress mode.
If you mean having the preview image in the blog link directly to the relevant page in the comic viewer, yes that would make sense.
Cool, thanks for your thoughts. I'll start doing this from now on so hopefully it will be easier to view for everyone.
The text is small for me, so I may be reading it wrong, but if it's currently 'fly the kingdom', you actually want 'flee the kingdom'.
Unless the kingdom is actually flyable, kind of like a flying version of howls moving castle but even bigger — then wow!
Haha that’s too funny. I just changed that a few minutes ago. It should be up on the site already so try refreshing your page and see if it shows up. I also made quite a few other changes as you will see.